4 Things You Think Turn Her On—That Don't

Your girlfriend's libido

  doesn't just have an on/off switch. She requires a slow build—which means there's plenty of time for mistakes. And no matter how well you think you know her hot buttons, there's a good chance a few moves in your repertoire are actually squelching her sex drive. "Men often assume women are turned on by the same things they are," says Brandy Engler, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based sex therapist and author of The Men on My Couch. That's your first misstep—and unfortunately, it can lead to many more.  

Mistake #1: You whip out your penis to initiate sex.
You'd be pumped if she randomly brought out the girls, but when you whip out the big guy, you've skipped so many steps in her arousal process that your erection could irritate her. "Just going straight for it works for men," says Engler. "But our bodies don't respond the same way."

Do this instead: Want sex before bed? Hours before you hit the sack, start touching her in playful, non-demanding ways. Touch her arm as she tells you about her day. Grab her hips, pick her up and kiss her—then walk away. "Flirt with her," says Engler. "Tease her a little bit. When women are getting that kind of attention, they're much more open to being sexual."

Mistake #2: You send an unsolicited sext.
Opening the conversation with "I want to be inside you" isn't going to rev her engine. Same goes for shots below the belt. "With women, it's not just, 'Here's a picture—are you in or out?'" says Engler. "Even if you look like Magic Mike, don't do it. And don't just write something explicit right away."

Do this instead: If you want to initiate a raunchy exchange, start by flattering her. Fill in the blanks: "Last night, your ____ looked so beautiful when ____." "Pick a body part—her hair, neck, face, back, shoulders—and say you remember it looking particularly beautiful in some setting, position, lighting," says Engler. "When you're specific, it makes a woman feel special, rather than just telling her she has a nice ass."

Mistake #3: You try super-acrobatic positions in bed.
"Contorting into a bunch of crazy positions is often just uncomfortable—and doesn't necessarily increase her pleasure," says Engler. "But guys have in their minds that a good lover is supposed to have an amazing repertoire of positions." 

Do this instead: Instead of trying to impress her with your moves, let her body inspire you in bed. "Say to her, 'I want to turn you this way—it's such a turn on to look at you from this angle,' ” says Engler. Not only are you being decisive—women love that—but you're showing that you're aroused by her, specifically, not just the thought of having sex like an acrobat.

Mistake #4: You tell her to lead the way in the sack.
Maybe you fantasize about an aggressive lover—but shifting responsibility to her halfway through an encounter isn't going to unleash her inner animal. "That can give women performance anxiety," says Engler. You've just put her under enormous pressure to be spontaneously sexy—which could have the opposite of the desired effect.

Do this instead: Before you leave for work in the morning, let her know that tonight's romp is going to be all about her. "You almost have to agree beforehand that she gets to be demanding," says Engler. "If a woman can prepare herself for that, she can get into it." Then mid-afternoon, send her a teasing text: "I can't wait to see what you're going to do.” She'll be more than ready to take the reins come playtime.

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Article source: http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/4-things-you-think-turn-her-dont