It was the oddest thing. We’d be having sex, and I’d feel the desire to reach between my legs for a little massage. My ex would spot this, push my hand away, and try to get the job done himself. I hated it. It completely took me out of the moment, and it never resulted in a good orgasm for me.
My ex wasn’t the only one who suffered from handsiness. A few of my former sexual partners have acted like they were emotionally wounded by the fact that my hand was on my clitoris. In my experience, when I touch myself during sex, men tend to react one of two ways: They either think they’re not getting me off, so they get offended or ask what they can do; or they think it’s some coded way for me to tell them that I want them to touch me, so they take matters into their own hands.
I’m here to tell you that neither is the case. Guys, if your partner touches herself during sex, she's doing it because it feels good, and you should leave her to it. Most of the time, our touching ourselves has nothing to do with you. I repeat: It. Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. You. Period. End of story.
Women masturbate. A lot. In fact, according to a survey of 1,200 Americans by the sex toy maker TENGA, 81% of women have masturbated at some point in their lives, and on average they do it about twice a week — less often than men, yes, but still fairly often. Further, a sizable chunk of women (about 30%) report preferring masturbation to sex, as opposed to 21% of men.
So why is this the case? Well, when you dig deeper into the data, it becomes pretty clear: women are having way fewer orgasms than their male partners are. According to a 2009 survey from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, only 64% of women reported having an orgasm during their last encounter, as opposed to 91% of straight men. (Note that this only applies to heterosexual women: by and large, women who have sex with women do not have this problem.)
This so-called "orgasm gap" is primarily due to the fact that most women simply can't get off from straight-up P-in-V sex. In fact, according to one study, only 18% of women can reach orgasm from penetration alone. The vast majority need some form of clitoral stimulation to get things going, which is why we may polish ourselves off from time to time while we're having sex with you. It's just our way of ensuring that we’re enjoying ourselves, too.
If you see us polishing ourselves off during sex, your first impulse may be to step in and offer your services by pausing the action to give us oral sex or to (literally) give us a hand. And in a lot of cases, we are more than happy to let you do so.
But sometimes, you just need to leave us to it — not because we don't think you're capable of pleasuring us, but because we know how to get ourselves off. The same way you are very well acquainted with every nook and cranny of your penis, we are close, personal friends with our clits. We know what feels good. And sometimes, we just want to take the lead instead of giving you directions to our clitorises midway through sex like we're air traffic controllers.
So the next time your woman reaches down between her legs during sex, don’t just push her hand away. You can ask her if she wants any help, but if she says, "Nah, I'm good," then just leave her to it. Pay attention to what she's doing, and see what she’s into. If she gets off on being watched, say, "It's so hot to watch you do that," and narrate the action together. You may learn something. And even if you don’t, I’ve heard it’s very fun to watch.
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Article source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a22839638/women-masturbating-during-sex/
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