5 Reasons She Stopped Doing You (And How to Fix It)

Those first several  months of a new relationship are bliss: You can't keep your hands off each other. You're having sex once, twice, three times a day. You're having crazy sex, public sex, porno sex, hair-pulling sex. It's orgasm after orgasm and your brain is oozing those endorphins that make you feel in love and utterly alive.

And then it comes to a screeching halt.

While it's perfectly normal for sex to slow down a bit after this initial "romance stage," it's never a good sign when the music stops on your nightly Horizontal Mambo. Here are five possible reasons she stopped doing you, and how you can turn it around.


She's Become Accustomed to Not Having Sex
Abstinence breeds abstinence. It's easy to go without sex if she's stressed, tired, or just busy. Once you've gone without sex for a few days, it can snowball into a few weeks. And then before you know it, months have passed. The longer you go without, the harder it is to get your sexual mojo back.

Preventative Measures: Moushumi Ghose, a licensed marriage and family therapist, suggests making affection a part of your routine. "Have a 5-minute make-out session," she says. "Send sexy texts, hold hands, take a bath together, or rub her back. These things don't always have to lead to sex, but it sets a sexy tone throughout the week."

How To Turn It Around: "It's like riding a bike," says Ghose. "You just have to get off your ass and do it, even if you don't feel like it. Initiate something every day so you just get into the practice of it."

She's Contemplating a Breakup
If a woman is on the brink of dumping her man, usually the sex stops. But don't worry just yet, those symptoms don't necessarily mean she's about to break up with you, says sexologist Jill McDevitt, Ph.D.

Preventative Measures: "Be kind and compassionate," says Dr. McDevitt. "Treat your partner with respect, as an equal, and generally be someone other humans want to be around." If you're doing all that and she still wants to leave, just remember, "some people aren't compatible," says Dr. McDevitt.

How To Turn It Around: "Ask her," says Dr. McDevitt. "Instead of guessing, assuming, and fearing, talk about it! And be the type of trustworthy partner that she can feel good about talking to about things as serious as 'I'm thinking of breaking up with you...' before it gets to that point."

She Doesn't Feel Sexy Anymore
Often times, when a woman gains weight or just had a baby, she doesn't feel sexy. "Women absolutely need to be feeling really good about themselves in their head," says Ghose. "That's directly connected to them feeling sexy and sexual."

Preventative Measures: "Addressing her weight gain is not a good idea," says Ghose. "It's more important to be supportive and more attentive to her needs in general, and encouraging her to talk about stuff. If weight is the issue, try to lead by example by eating healthy and keeping up your personal fitness routine."

How To Turn It Around: "It's key that you don't point the finger," says Ghose. "Instead, come at it from your needs. You can say, 'I would really like to have more connection with you. What can I do to make this better?' If you come at it from your needs not being met instead of what she's not doing, she's more likely to hear you and not feel defensive."

She's Cheating
The worst-case scenario is that she stopped having sex with you because she's getting it from someone else. "I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion unless there are some signs," says Ghose.

Preventative Measures: "Pay attention to changes in her behavior," says Ghose. "Maybe she's acting distant, taking calls at odd hours, locks her phone more, comes home late, or changes her social routine. When you see this happening, direct communication is key."

How To Turn It Around: If she is cheating, there are two options: Bolt or forgive her. "If you want to continue with the relationship it's really important to find out what caused her to cheat," says Ghose. "Were you not being attentive, or too attentive? It's not always the guy's fault, but it's both parties responsibility to check in with each other to make sure their needs are getting met."

She's Bored in Bed
"A sexually-bored person might either introduce new types of sexual behaviors and foreplay to increase their interest, or alternatively, they may just want to hurry up and get it over with," says Dr. McDevitt.

Preventative Measures: "To a certain extent, it happens to every relationship," says Dr. McDevitt. "And that's okay, because the level of passion in the beginning is just not sustainable." Instead of worrying about the amount of sex you're having, McDevitt suggests exploring variety. It's not about quantity necessarily, but quality.

How To Turn It Around: "The ongoing maintenance and emergency fix are the same," says Dr. McDevitt. You should be looking for more variety (of positions, sex acts, locations, and other details, from the lighting to the time of day.) "Read and learn together," says McDevitt. "There are lots of books and helpful classes you can take together. Be honest. If you're bored, say you're bored. If you suspect she's bored, ask her."

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Article source: http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/5-reasons-she-stopped-having-sex-with-you