In fact, one in three adults who have combined their finances in a current or past relationship admit to committing financial infidelity, reports a recent online survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education. And it turns out this type of cheating has serious consequences—76 percent of respondents reported that financial deception hurt the relationship, 10 percent reported it led to divorce, and 8 percent claimed it led to separation.
“Financial infidelity can be a symptom or cover-up for compulsive spending, gambling disorder, and other financial addictions,” says Brad Klontz, financial psychologist at Kansas State University. If you’re among the 64 percent of U.S. couples who have combined finances, here are four warning signs for your shared finances and how to confront your partner without pissing her off.
She ignores any conversation about money. “Money is a trigger for most couples because it symbolizes a power struggle,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D, psychotherapist and author of Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker. The power struggle deepens when the partner who makes more has an upper hand in the financial decision-making. So you both feel like equals, make clear what your financial goals are as a couple for both the short- and long-term. Do you want to go on a vacation? Buy a house? Sprinkle these goals into regular conversation to create an open dialogue so you both can approach other monetary topics more easily.
She makes a big purchase without telling you. Ever wonder where she got the cash to afford that new wardrobe? Discuss the three money types: her money, his money, and our money. If she decides to purchase from a joint account, she should discuss with you before buying, says Susan Heitler, Ph.D, clinical psychologist and author of the online relationship skills program PowerOfTwoMarriage.com. If you’re sharing an account, set up an agreement that you have to tell each other about any purchases over a certain amount—like $100. If it’s her money, then you have less room to complain.
She has secret credit cards. This has the most potential for destroying your relationship. “It encourages secrecy and deceit,” says Dr. Weil. And the reasons she has them should have you worried. Not only could it mess up her credit rating if she cannot pay them off, but it affects your financial health as a couple if she is spending money that should go to your combined bills or groceries. (Or possible savings for future big purchases.) Tell her to either get rid of the cards or it’s a deal-breaker for the relationship.
She hides bills or bank statements. “Monthly bills should be done together,” says Dr. Weil. She recommends setting aside one hour per week to take care of them with each other. This prevents one partner from having complete financial control and allows you to check in with each other. Plan a reward after each session, like a dinner out or a romp in bed. As long as it’s something you’ll both look forward to that makes you feel closer physically and emotionally.
...........
Article source: http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/4-financial-sins-ruin-relationships
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment